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One out of Five stars
Running time: 90 mins

Charmless, desperately unfunny “comedy” that could only have been worse if it had had Martin Lawrence in it.

What's it all about?
Directed by Dennis Dugan, Grown Ups stars Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade and Rob Schneider as five differently-achieving school friends (Sandler's a high-powered Hollywood agent married to Salma Hayek, Rock's a stay-at-home father henpecked by pregnant Maya Rudolph, etc.) who come together for the funeral of their beloved high school basketball coach. Feeling guilty for not seeing more of each other, the five friends decide to spend Fourth of July weekend together with their families for the first time in thirty years.

Over the course of the weekend the friends rekindle a rivalry with an old school adversary (Colin Quinn) and discover that each of them has their own problems - James' wife (Maria Bello) is still breast-feeding their four-year-old son, Sandler's kids have become too dependent on their Hollywood lifestyle, Schneider's been a lousy father to his two super-hot daughters from different marriages (and a third daughter) and Spade's a loser.

The Bad
That's literally all there is to the story - incredibly, the film has even less of a plot than the equally dreadful Couples Retreat. Also, as a quick glance at the trailer will suggest, there's not a single funny joke in the film, unless flatulent grandmothers, repeated pratfalls and the idea of Rob Schneider making out with his octogenarian wife (Joyce Van Patten) are your idea of a good time.

The script and performances are shockingly lazy throughout, with the filmmakers labouring under the mistaken belief that it's fun just to see Sandler hanging out with his buddies. Note to filmmakers: it isn't and the less said about Steve Buscemi's excruciating cameo, the better.

The Worst
Aside from the constant mugging and the total lack of laughs, the film's biggest problem is that the characters and relationships don't ring true - the women are given a character trait each and there's never any sense that these people have spent time away from each other. Similarly, the editing is incredibly choppy and it often feels as if scenes have been cut in half.

Worth seeing?
The best things you can say about Grown Ups are a) it's not as bad as Old Dogs and b) it could have been worse – it could have had Martin Lawrence in it. In other words, you should avoid this like your life depended on it.