If you’re female and the proud owner of limbs sleeker than a race horse, lips pillowier than La Jolie’s, skin so fake tanned that you appear to have been dipped in a giant mug of tea and hair extensions with more volume than the rest of your body, then you’ll fit in a treat at Vendome. Of course, this is Mayfair so men, if your wallet is big enough, you’re getting in even if your ego is the size of a small country and your waistline not far off it either.

The Venue
Formerly Pangaea, estate agents would describe the venue as bijou but as any seasoned clubber will know, this club is incredibly small. However, in its new guise as Vendome the interior makes the most of every millimetre and it’s seriously sexy. Mirrors etched with the club’s logo line the walls on both sides of the stairs and even the doors at the bottom are mirrored. Let’s face it, there’s no need to go to the loo to get paparazzi ready at Vendome - lip gloss is slicked on and poses are practised on the stairs and that’s unfortunately where the club’s major drawback lies. The entrance and stairs are simply too narrow to accommodate the to-ing and fro-ing that’s par for the course on a night out at the club. Smokers go into nicotine withdrawal on the stairs whilst upstairs at the main entrance it’s practically a scrum as those leaving the club fight their way through a wave of newcomers gasping for a drink.

It’s only when you step through the doors at the bottom of the stairs though that you can really appreciate how much the club has been transformed. A circular bar sits in the middle of the room and doubles up as a DJ booth, LED lights illuminate the floor and an outer ring of illuminated panels add to the dizzying array of lights. To the left is a roped off VIP area with some standing room and a couple of tables arranged at the front piled high with ice buckets of Champagne and vodka. Further back in the VIP area are small booths with patterned black and white wallpaper in one whilst the next is gleaming white. On the far right hand side of the club there are another couple of booths that are reserved for private hire and a few other tables and chairs. There’s very little room for dancing which is a shame as the DJs are fantastic but it is perfectly suited to events. The launch night saw the outer circle of the dancefloor transformed into a catwalk for a London Fashion Week party.

The Atmosphere
Let’s face it, if you’re more into rescuing small voles from ditches at dawn and consider brushing your hair an act of extreme vanity then you’re going to hate it at Vendome although it’s unlikely you’d even make it through the door to witness the frivolity. Vendome is a club where outward appearances are everything and the air crackles with the kind of superficial excitement that only a party crowd that doesn’t have to fight their way across the Underground to get to work the next day can generate.

The Music
Upbeat house fuels the party atmosphere and finds a happy balance between commercial and underground and refreshingly for a Mayfair club the main emphasis is on the calibre of DJs. The launch party was presided over by Parisian DJ Dimitri who recently opened Madonna’s Paris show and if the club can maintain that level of DJing excellence it’s guaranteed to become a destination venue for music lovers as well as those who just want to see and be seen.

The Drink
Unfortunately, Mayfair plus money equals magnums and Vendome is no different. Away from the VIP areas, you’re better off ordering spirits or bottles of beer as cocktails guarantee a lengthy wait at the bar although if you can find an elusive seat to sit in and savour them, they’re worth ordering.

The Last Word
Vendome is a vast improvement on Pangaea but there’s no getting away from how small the club is no matter how many mirrors and clever lighting techniques are employed. However, size aside, if you fancy an upmarket night, literally rubbing shoulders with the bold and beautiful of Mayfair’s clubbing fraternity, you’re in the right place. Just make sure that you leave your sense of personal space at the door.