Billabong is another extended hotel bar that's s a favourite with the massed crowds of Osborne Road regulars.

The Venue
Billabong was the Calendonian Hotel bar but it has since become a bit of monster. It snakes down a lengthy stretch of Osbourne Road, threatening every building in its path. It has a really long two-tiered flagstone terrace with big plants outside.

Inside, there are purple and pine coloured walls and black bucket armchairs. The high tables and chairs look suspiciously familiar — yes, you’ve seen them in Ikea. The big low tables and metal-framed sofa are a bit better. Big abstract impressionist pictures hang on the walls. There’s a fireplace with a mantelpiece in the bar off to the left.

This section has blinds on the windows, a grey floor, plantpots and an off-white ceiling studded with spotlights. Pop, R'n'B and dance music blare out at most times of the day and night. The bistro part is a little smarter, quieter and all together more grown-up.

The People
It’s like stepping into a Richmond bar during the height of yuppiedom. Pear-shaped, strawberry blonde girls are posing at the bar while guys in sports-casual clothes guffaw at their own jokes. At least it’s a little bit older and more sedate than Spy Bar, and kids are welcome.

The Food and Drink
Foster’s, Strongbow, Miller, Guinness and John Smith’s are on tap and Beck’s, Peroni, Foster’s, Corona, Budweiser and Magners in bottles. The cocktail list is about a dozen strong, all for about £4.20 to £4.90 (or £3.90 during happy hour). Billabong Surf—vodka, blue cuacao and pineapple juice — is £3.90 there's also Bananarama, Ginger Jack and Almond Russian.

Crab and ginger cakes with sweet chilli sauce are £4.95 and a platter of fajitas and tortillas and guacamole and cheese with vegetables or chicken are £11.95. Greek-style lamb kebabs with pitta bread costs £10.95 and toasted open sandwiches are £6.95 — so the grub ain’t cheap. They do try to make some make some rather half-hearted concessions with a quickie lunchtime menu which includes a smoothie and sandwich for £6.99.

The Last Word
It’s a bland bar with a few frills, and these do nothing but highlight its blandness, but if all your friends insist on coming here then how can you say no? Perhaps quite easily.

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