This oddly laid-out modern bar would be fine in any other location, but its patrons let it down.

The Venue
The City Vaults is a curiously arranged bar — that’s mainly due to the fact that the chare (alleyway) that used to run through it has been converted into a narrow sunken stretch between the two ground floor areas. So, there’s a balcony all the way around from where you can look down on the coming and goings below (if you really dare).

There are plasma screens all over the place and the bar is on the far right — just by its side there’s a little corner of Las Vegas with its pulsating slot machines, a quiz machine and a podium with a test-your-strength boxing machine (if they thought that would stop people hitting each other, they were wrong).

There’s another bar upstairs and a club downstairs and a heavy-duty industrial lift to carry people between the floors. The lift has been known to have stains (looking suspiciously like blood) and don't be surprised if you see a fresh pile of sick on the floor by the men’s toilet. In the loos themselves, attempts have been made to remove every single fitting, so lights hang from their sockets and even the hand-dryers have been wrenched off. That's impressive.

The People
You know the score — teams of shaven-headed lads with tattoos who looked like they've been dressed personally by JJB Sports, Primark and Foot Locker bounce about the place as though their hamstrings have been tightened. And then there are lasses in mini-dresses with plunging necklines pulling on fags and knocking back WKDs. It’s also popular with hen and stag dos, so the mix can be either outrageously entertaining or sickeningly Jeremy Kyle.

The Food and Drink
On tap you’ve got Guinness, John Smith’s, Stella, Woodepecker and Foster’s (£1.95 a pint) and in bottles there’s Budweiser, Corona, Stella, Peroni, Tiger, Newcastle Brown and Kopparberg. Cocktails are £2.45 each during happy hour (you may need to bring your calculator to work out how it functions) and include such delights as Fuzzy Navel and Viagra. Corte Vigna wines are £6.95 a bottle.

On the food front you’ve got things like chicken tikka masala for £5.99, as well as panini, focaccias, wraps and salads. It’s £2.99 for a ploughman’s sarnie and a Greek salad is £4.99. Chicken satay skewers are £3.69 and a beer and burger deal is £5.49.

The Last Word
There’s nothing really wrong with The Vaults, it’s just the people who are, literally, the trouble. Until they grow up, there’s not much you can do.

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